Shoutliers

The gym is a great place to make friends. There are literally hundreds of different ways you can meet new people there! I discovered a great way to break the ice with people in the locker room. It's just another way that when people see how cool you are, they will completely want to be your friend.

So a few weeks ago I was in the shower in the locker room and I was trying to figure out the opening line to Disney's Gummi Bears theme song, a cartoon that ran from the 80's into the early 90's. I actually do some of my best thinking in the shower so it's not that abnormal for me to dedicate that time to mentally solving problems. Well, to solve this problem I kept running the parts of the theme song I knew though my head, bit by bit until I was able to piece the whole thing together. About 20 minuets had passed at this point without me really noticing, but as I turned off the water I realized that I actually hadn't been running though the song in my head. I had been singing it out loud. For the past 20 minuets.

And that is just one of many ways to make some great new friends at the gym.

The most exciting part of a trip to D.C., besides all the monuments, free museums, wide variety of food, invigorating musical and theatrical performances, and plethora of parks, is, of course, the metro system. Here are some tips for making friends on the metro system, all of which my father and I were able to implement this weekend.

1. Talk very loudly about personal matters. This weekend, my father wanted to know about the date that I had gone on just before I picked him up at Union Station. I of course told him that he was a nice guy, tall and handsome, that I was quite attracted to him, but that kissing him was a little awkward and forced, and that I wondered if he was crazy like all of my ex boyfriends. I did this loud enough so that our neighbors could hear, because I used my Midwestern sensibilities to notice that they were definitely intrigued- nay, fascinated - by my story.
2. Fall into people. Honestly, humans crave physical touch, so this is really the most personal way to make friends on the metro. Make sure that you bring luggage, too, so that your luggage can fall into them as well - for what is physical touch without a little baggage?
3. Explain the metro system by crawling over people to point at the map. Most D.C. residents need a bit of a refresher, anyway.
4. Get stuck in the doorway. This provides a distraction from more boring incidents, and gives you a longer time together to practice your friend-making skills.
5. Stand in the passing lane on the escalator. Nothing will help you make friends more quickly than standing on the left side of the escalator. District residents love to give friendly reminders as to the protocol of standing on the right, walking on the left. Conversations started in this way frequently end up in recipe exchanges, so give it a try!

In reading an article (see below) on proper etiquette for the XBOX Live network (you can chat with friends using a microphone while playing fun games), one of the key points was to have some great jokes to share. Jokes are a fantastic way to let new potential friends know not only am I cool and witty, I am fun to be around! This last part depends a bit on the type of jokes you use, but have no fear. I've included a few here that are guaranteed to win over everyone or just physicists!

Q: Why did the physicist cross the mobius strip?
A: To get to the same side.

So an atom walks into a bar, all upset and goes up to the bartender.
"I just got robbed on the subway!" he says. "Someone stole an electron!"
"Oh my gosh," says the bartender. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," says the atom, "I'm positive!"

Many of you, and by many of you, I mean no one, have asked about the origin of our name.

I will dutifully tell you the truth, but I will let you decide which of the following circumstances is the truth.

1. While performing in the illustrious Gull Lake High School Band, Josh and I had a horrible run-in with several tubas. It all started when we had been shouting across the field at each other. I guess we had been having a disagreement about a particular set. As we moved from set to set, marching towards each other, the shouting became more heated. So heated, in fact, that we forgot where we were supposed to be, and were subsequently run over by half the tuba section. Sadly, we ended up lying on our backs, shouting at each other. Hence the name, shoutliers.
   
2. Contrary to popular opinion, Josh and I are nerds. Something that nerds like, besides Richard Dean Anderson and musical instruments, are statistics. It is well-known that the median age for marriage is increasing; according to the Pew Research Center, "It now stands at 28 for men and 26 for women". In D.C., the average man and woman is settling down at 32 and 30, respectively. However, as Josh says, "Remember that's the median though. And people who lie exactly on the median are, by definition, boring." That's news worth shouting. Hence the name, shoutliers.

I think that is all I can come up with.

Edition One: In a bathroom at a wedding

This is a step-by-step post that will ensure you will socialize gloriously at all nuptial celebrations.

1. Get tipsy. This can be done successfully, even with a cash bar (consider Pabst's) or a liquor-free bar (consider making friends with the bartender so that they will just give you the whole bottle of wine for expediency's sake).
2. Find an excuse to enter the bathroom. From personal experience, I find that it is best to find an excuse that does not require the actual use of facilities. In this way, you are relieved from the embarrassment of performing bathroom-related duties, and you have more time for making friends. At my last reception, I was fortunate to find the excuse of searching for an errant bridesmaid. Later, it was found that she was not in the bathroom at all, but in the kitchen dealing crack out of her clutch.
3. Accost your middle school art teacher. Truthfully, it doesn't have to be your middle school art teacher. It could, in fact, be your college roommate's grandmother, or an usher, or anyone who looks vaguely familiar and/or helpless.
4. Reminisce. With my art teacher, I found it helpful to intimately shout, "You taught me about pointillism!"
5. Leave the bathroom without performing bathroom duties. This is only successful if you do not reveal your supposed motive for entering the bathroom in the first place. You must follow your new friend to the dance floor, so that they sense the sincerity of your friendship, and wonder if you have forgone peeing in order to pursue it.
6. Get distracted by the vision of the crack-dealer bridesmaid dancing with your date. This distraction solidifies your new friendship, because it shows that you have other friends, which is very important when forming new friends.
   
7. Take leave of your newfound friend with a, "Yeah, see ya." This is not disrespectful, but, on the contrary, indicates a certain familiarity.

As always, we appreciate letters spelling out the details of your personal 7-step success story.

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-JK