Shoutliers

In reading an article (see below) on proper etiquette for the XBOX Live network (you can chat with friends using a microphone while playing fun games), one of the key points was to have some great jokes to share. Jokes are a fantastic way to let new potential friends know not only am I cool and witty, I am fun to be around! This last part depends a bit on the type of jokes you use, but have no fear. I've included a few here that are guaranteed to win over everyone or just physicists!

Q: Why did the physicist cross the mobius strip?
A: To get to the same side.

So an atom walks into a bar, all upset and goes up to the bartender.
"I just got robbed on the subway!" he says. "Someone stole an electron!"
"Oh my gosh," says the bartender. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," says the atom, "I'm positive!"

Many of you, and by many of you, I mean no one, have asked about the origin of our name.

I will dutifully tell you the truth, but I will let you decide which of the following circumstances is the truth.

1. While performing in the illustrious Gull Lake High School Band, Josh and I had a horrible run-in with several tubas. It all started when we had been shouting across the field at each other. I guess we had been having a disagreement about a particular set. As we moved from set to set, marching towards each other, the shouting became more heated. So heated, in fact, that we forgot where we were supposed to be, and were subsequently run over by half the tuba section. Sadly, we ended up lying on our backs, shouting at each other. Hence the name, shoutliers.
   
2. Contrary to popular opinion, Josh and I are nerds. Something that nerds like, besides Richard Dean Anderson and musical instruments, are statistics. It is well-known that the median age for marriage is increasing; according to the Pew Research Center, "It now stands at 28 for men and 26 for women". In D.C., the average man and woman is settling down at 32 and 30, respectively. However, as Josh says, "Remember that's the median though. And people who lie exactly on the median are, by definition, boring." That's news worth shouting. Hence the name, shoutliers.

I think that is all I can come up with.

Edition One: In a bathroom at a wedding

This is a step-by-step post that will ensure you will socialize gloriously at all nuptial celebrations.

1. Get tipsy. This can be done successfully, even with a cash bar (consider Pabst's) or a liquor-free bar (consider making friends with the bartender so that they will just give you the whole bottle of wine for expediency's sake).
2. Find an excuse to enter the bathroom. From personal experience, I find that it is best to find an excuse that does not require the actual use of facilities. In this way, you are relieved from the embarrassment of performing bathroom-related duties, and you have more time for making friends. At my last reception, I was fortunate to find the excuse of searching for an errant bridesmaid. Later, it was found that she was not in the bathroom at all, but in the kitchen dealing crack out of her clutch.
3. Accost your middle school art teacher. Truthfully, it doesn't have to be your middle school art teacher. It could, in fact, be your college roommate's grandmother, or an usher, or anyone who looks vaguely familiar and/or helpless.
4. Reminisce. With my art teacher, I found it helpful to intimately shout, "You taught me about pointillism!"
5. Leave the bathroom without performing bathroom duties. This is only successful if you do not reveal your supposed motive for entering the bathroom in the first place. You must follow your new friend to the dance floor, so that they sense the sincerity of your friendship, and wonder if you have forgone peeing in order to pursue it.
6. Get distracted by the vision of the crack-dealer bridesmaid dancing with your date. This distraction solidifies your new friendship, because it shows that you have other friends, which is very important when forming new friends.
   
7. Take leave of your newfound friend with a, "Yeah, see ya." This is not disrespectful, but, on the contrary, indicates a certain familiarity.

As always, we appreciate letters spelling out the details of your personal 7-step success story.

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-JK